Life's Transitions By Donecia Norwood-Smith
This summer has been a world of celebrations. We cheered as our youngest daughter finished her Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology. While her graduation was virtual, we amplified our voices to the rooftop with joy and excitement. This year has been more than most could handle, but our daughter persevered through distance learning and being away from all her friends while living at home with us. ; She did this all with honors. We couldn’t be prouder of her resilience and fortitude in pressing forward towards her dreams. Now we prepare for her big move out of state to pursue a double Masters of Arts in Social Psychology and Clinical Mental Health.
The party continued with our eldest daughter’s mid-pandemic wedding. We have been in full soiree mode since May: a couple’s shower in May, a bridal shower and Father’s Day in June and a wedding in July. I always wanted a son, and we are beyond joy in having our son-in-love as part of our family. The wedding was a lovely event and I held myself together until we picked up the happy couple’s marriage license; then I was a bucket of tears. It really hit me that my oldest girl was married and my youngest would soon be moving away. Many people would live for the day of a completely empty nest; however, I found myself reflecting on what life would be like with them both away.
Through the years, our family has experienced varied degrees of transition. We married right out of college and six months later, hubby quit his job to work part time and attend graduate school. Within about four years we had our first daughter, and soon after moved due to a job opportunity to Ohio; where we had our second daughter. This time was short lived as we found ourselves returning to our home state of Minnesota for yet another job. We lived with my parents with our two children for a good three and a half months as Efrem worked the equivalent of two jobs; and I worked full and part time as well. Jobs came and went and we found ourselves planting a multi-ethnic church in the heart of North Minneapolis. Neither of us had ever embarked on starting a business or non-profit, but we knew we had something to share that could help change the way people thought about life and faith. Additionally, we started a community development corporation to assist in providing support to under resourced schools in tutoring and the creative arts in an effort to get students performing at grade level. This work lead to a promotion and ultimately relocation to California.
Throughout the course of our lives, we will experience a series of life transitions. Some of these we control, and others we don’t. As babies, we enter a world full of wonder and limited mobility. Then within days, weeks, or a few months; this being is now tracking eye movements, making gurgling noises, scooting, squiggling; and soon walking. These moments just seem to happen almost naturally without much coaching or direction and continue in our human development until around high school. It is here that we can begin making decisions for ourselves that will have a direct impact on our future.
From birth to death, and every step in between, we are in a state of adaptation, change, growth, loss and retirement. While we subconsciously know that these milestones are coming, somehow it escapes us of how quickly things tend to happen. Ask yourself, ‘Am I prepared for the next life transition?’
As I reflect on my experience nothing could have prepared me for the array of emotional and financial loss we experienced in our last major move. As I think about it, we were so caught up in the business of parenting and making ends meet, that we somehow neglected preparing for the curve balls of life.
The fact of the matter is, not all these twists and turns can be mitigated. But for those that can be, here are some tools to help you cope and keep pressing forward:
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. How many times have you heard this? There are certain things in life you can begin to prepare for such as:
Birth of a child
Your child’s college
Life Insurance
Retirement
Emergency Care Fund for parent or spouse
Rainy Day Fund
Will
Trust
Advance Care Directive
No matter where you are financially, you can begin to put a couple dollars away for major life events. Meeting with a financial advisor can be a great place to start. The expense can be minimal and you can always increase your contributions, as your finances get stronger. The key is start somewhere.
Life is full of transitions. How we manage them when they come is the question. Here are some key ways to deal with transitions:
When possible, try to prepare for your transition
Set reasonable expectations
Develop a routine
Set small goals
Stay connected
“Stillness is where the work happens. Don’t be afraid to sit in it. For some of our best healing is birthed from awkward silence.”
~Coach Donecia